Were I to pretend going mad, I would undoubtedly have fun. Seeing as this world preaches conformity with such conviction, the opportunity to be crazy would be refreshing and healthy. Yet doing so would be an art, for convincing insanity is not easy to pull off.
First, I would stop wearing clothes normally. Nothing drastic, just enough to isolate me from the rest of my fashion concious peers. Thing like Turtle necks that are too small, and blazers that are too big would kick off the change nicely. Overalls would also be a nice addition, seeing as no one wears them unless they are drunk or inbred in West Virginia. (no offence)
Second, I would stat bringing strange lunches to school. Uncooked bacon that I would seem suprised I was unalowed to grill at school, or slices of cellery that I would pull apart and eat strand by strand. Maybe I could even bring normal food, and simply eat is oddly. Bring Chicken Noodle Soup and put the ingrediantes: noodles, carrots, chicked, etc, into seperate containers before eating them.
Third, stares. Not normal school "space out" stares at the board, teacher, or that new girl who is pretty sharp, nah, leave those to the sane people. I will take the wild stares, the stares directed towards, perhaps, the cover of my American History textbook with a simultaneous humming of "O Canada", or maybe staring at the Apple logo on a Mac book, and tapping it constantly as if it were a broken button.
Fourth, this is the real piece du resistance. Schedule. Practicing Hockey at the outdoor ing from 4 Am to 8Am, Playing hopschooch with the elementary schoolers while they are at reces (atleast untill I get a restraining order", then a full english tea. This would be followed by making a trip to the flower store, buying a host of roses, then handing them out to people cross country skiing for 45 minuts. Each day I would also have to meet a series of quotas. Propose to one girl, and one dog. Give either Juniper or one of his friends a clearly handmade "citizen of the year" award every day. It is this final step that secures my insanity.
1 comment:
Max,
What a wonderfully twisted post. I love how you embrace with such gusto the very charge of having to act insane. Though (as you sort of suggest toward the end) the real question may be when the act ends and insanity takes over for real.
Regardless, I'm looking forward to what you think of Hamlet's efforts in this regard! (No, he doesn't turn to turtlenecks or uncooked pork--but he does have a few tricks up his sleeve).
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