Summer Away... Unknown Death

After a summer of being away, to return home and find out my father was dead would be devastating. Not only would I be emotionally torn and absolutely out of words to describe the pain of losing a father, but the fact that no one had told me! They would claim they didn’t want to ruin my summer plans so they would wait… well waiting didn’t always seem to solve all these problems. I would walk off the plane, the bus, the train from the summer that had given me knowledge and wisdom. Maybe I was returning from a camp back east or from my cousins on the west coast. None the less, growing on my own and the challenges of the summer were offering me a new sense of pride and independence. I wanted to go home and show them all what I was made of… until I stepped down to the ground and they were there with their long faces and black clothing. Not many people, just a few close relatives, but the instant shock of knowing something was wrong would radiate from their eyes and sting me like the tail of a sting-ray. My curiosity, my worry, my anticipation of the worst would stop me in my tracks until I put the pieces together; who was missing? He was. Why was he missing? General assumption: he’s dead… this time not so much of just an assumption. When they could tell I knew one of them ran to me and put my head on their shoulder. My heart dropped down through the floor, hitting the cold, earthy ground below the station. The world stopped. Every other person scrambling home after summer holidays had something joyous to look forward to, memories to caress and share, and time to spend with loved ones. I had this; a shit of a situation with the loss of my father. Granted, things could have been worse but the black clothes seeped forever into my imagination and the heavy weight of my feet and the strange dryness in my eyes worried me and made me angry. “why didn’t you tell me!” I would scream… “why did I not deserve to know!” I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t laugh, I couldn’t focus on anything beside the last moment I saw him, at the same station, just months before. Then life had been full, complete… now, it was void, lost, pointless. Now… I would distill in me a feeling or sorrow and remorse for never knowing really what happened and how I felt. All I would know is that I want him back.